Who's your beautiful friend? Please include the words "Straight", "Single", and "Legal" in your response.
Whatever, you were 10 deep and there was a hot tub. No judgment.
i got last night's adventure to take the garbage out when he was leaving. my vagina is THAT good.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
Besides, I'm not in my 30's. I'm still allowed to drink wine from a bag.
there were like 150 questions AFTER the application. you'd think for a store that has dick molding kits it'd be a joke
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
There's cake. And donuts. And strippers. It's like 5 year old me and 20 year old me are throwing a party together...
You act as if I'm the first person to pee in the Taco Bell drive thru at 2 AM, I'm sure a lot worse things have happen in that drive thru than my urine.
My day may involve a drug pinata. I LOVE MY LIFE.
turns out my ex girlfriend has become my most successful wingman. life is fuckin weird sometimes
I feel like David Hasselhoff when he's drunk eating that cheeseburger and crying. But with cheesecake.
Oh damn it. Let me get a beer. I can't take anymore bad news. Hold on.
It's official cum is not a great leave in conditioner
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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