He's on drugs...like drugs for horses.
Dry humping a girl for an hour and then jizzing in your pants doesn't count as losing it.
And when I say "complete whore" I mean I could possibly make a shameful profit by wearing this.
That penis you're staring at is the penis of heartbreak. Stay away. It will break your heart AND keep you away from other penises. BACK. OFF. THE PENIS.
No im the worst roommate ever. Just dump a bucket of water on my head at 8am so i can suffer like i deserve to.
We sent off fireworks off in the taco bell drive through. They're taking it way too seriously.
Im drinking ciroc out of an ice cream cone... my night is going fantastic
Was the first guy that bit your neck last night wearing a trenchcoat...I have a vague memory.
I just bought emergency deodorant at Dominick's and put it on in front of a homeless man while waiting for the bus. He laughed and said 'girl, you a mess'. This is my life.
I know. In fairness he did tell me to throw up out his window onto his roof so I don't think he's pissed at me but I'm still mortified by the whole situation.
Also, asking the guy who just told you he is crippled on edibles to watch your kid is probably frowned upon by most
We need to get walkie talkies for when we're drunk so if we are at different parties or lost we can talk
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
Can’t. It’s taco and dick night.
Thanks for loaning me your shower and panties. My hubby is awesome, but I shouldn’t go home commando, smelling like lube and sperm again
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