my desire to fuck abstract ideas (bravery, love, popsicls,,) increases by 8bajillion% when I'm high
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
The only good thing about trampolines when you're fucked up is the gushing blood really cleans all the bad coke out of your nose.
Vodka is such a love hate relationship.
Truer words have never been spoken.
Life lesson learned last night, if you are too drunk to use the atm leave the strip club
I'm stuck on the dance floor between two fat people. I don't think they feel my existence. Please help.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
Ok so last thing I remember was hugging a cop while vomiting
Went to 7-11 to buy condoms with the $20 I found on the ground outside Rite Aid. A good day for drug stores
The appetizer at the dinner I went to tonight was Klonopin and a Bloody Mary.
I want a shirt that says, "I'm sorry for the things I said when it was Taco Tuesday"
Sorry this is the worst night of your life and that you're being a baby about it.
You can be responsible and still be on that ho life
dont you DARE use my tequila influenced words against me
Sorry I steam cleaned at 1:30 in the morning and that i'm such a drunk dumb child. On the bright side, my carpet has ever looked better.
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