Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
someone needs to make a hangover cure that isn't cocaine.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
It is too early in this hangover to be seeing some guys ass crack.
Doing shrooms is fine until you get raped by curtains
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
It's legal now for me to leave my boyfriend and marry you.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
A guy at one of our big accounts just said you probably dont remember meeting me saturday night ps you were right about those two girls being lesbian
I wish I was in the big bed with a naked you post sex eating chicken nuggets
I'm really hot. went tanning and this cheeseburger shirt like isn't breathable
So his roommate walked in on us, went upstairs to tell her bf she has found a new use for the rafters & they must try it.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
I quit doing blow for him. If that doesn’t say “I’m in love with you and want to marry you” idk what does
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
