Ikea night.
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Insert tab A into swedish slot B
he just stuck his car key in my belly button, made car starting noises and pretended like i was revving my engine?
if you were drunk and peed in your friend's washing maching, would you send an "i'm sorry" text or say nothing at all?
all hypothetical of course
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
I feel like I just walked the hall of shame thru the marriott. Everyone stared.
I think it was the shoes and limping. Not the sex. I could b wrong.
Got a stripper to howl at my wolf shirt.
Its so fun. We're having a music war with the boat next to us. They have strippers.
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Being able to fart in my own house is like 90% of why I pay rent
I made out with a mom and her daughter and got a black eye, so yeah, my birthday went well
Playing pong against a girl who fucked my ex boyfriend so that's how my nights going
I mean you're asking high Chelsea. I'd sell myself for a rice crispy
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I just found vampire teeth and a moustache in my purse. do you know why?
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