He looks like a mix between a retired piano teacher and a cat that just swallowed a sock.
worst hand job ever. my dick is about as raw as that sushi your mom wanted me to try.
Don't worry, there is no such thing as a fat, old or ugly blow job.
She had a muffin-top while wearing a one piece bathing suit. Thats gotta break one of newton's laws or something
I was. I was trying to blow bubbles in the toilet after I threw up in it. They had to carry me everywhere. I lost a sock.
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
how do I tell the students with a crush on me, that yes, I am open to receiving blowjobs in exchange for grades?
Like. There is beer on the other side of that door and 6 yards in. If he's not back in 20 minutes to let me in, I am using this tree as a battering ram.
This whole bra on the outside of my shirt thing is so convenient. It turns my shirt into a pocket to eat Fritos out of. Mmm boobies
I just showered sitting down with a sippy cup of water in there with me. It took 40 minutes. That hungover.
I've never heard "I will drown your mother in vanilla pudding" as an insult before, and then last night happened.
Just got a snapchat from him that was a video of with the caption "my new apartment" in Brazil. I think we might not be seeing eachother anymore.
How many times is too many times to use the word 'fuck' in my thesis?
Have you ever drank bourbon in your underwear while wearing a Santa hat and reflecting on the decisions of your life? Asking for a friend.
Do you remember vividly describing the shape and girth of my cock to that girl last night?
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