Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
2am update: i think I'm in Mexico but I found a dennys. Everyone but this cute family of 4 is speaking Spanish. Cute family of 4 is helping me out.
My mail consisted of a box of dildos and christmas card from grandma.
Oh btw I took the eighth out of the plastic wrap so I could use it to wrap my red pepper. This can be seen as either pathetic or resourceful.
Just so you know there's a random man downstairs knocking on a door with a dozen roses and a 30 pack of beer. Unattractive or not, I'm inviting him in.
I JUST SAW A SIGN LANGUAGE CATFIGHT
One of my students in my 8am class brought me a Tim Hortons cup with a bloody Mary in it. Clearly, I didn't manage to look not drunk when I ran into him at Denny's at 4am. Who decided to let me teach?
Doing tequila shots with my ex to celebrate that we broke up... not awkward at all.
But in the grand scheme of things, "should i bang a hot roommate or a sexy giant" is really not a bad lot in life
You're married and I'm going to make out with a stranger tonight. Isn't that weird? It's like a gap in the time space continium.
Yknow what, if there is a thug life for white bitches, I'm living it. I went out on a date, watched howls moving castle with my brother till he passed out, then went and got some a+ dick, and made it home in time to take my mom to work. Now its 7am, I'm in bed with some free tacos, and when I'm done eating I'm going to sleep. What a great night.
I told her I was going to masterbate myself into a coma... We have another date on Thursday.
Never underestimate the power of loudly proclaiming you want to make out with someone
The amount of dicks I have seen in the last hour is more than I have seen in my whole life.
So now I have had sex with 2 people my son graduated high school with.
Randomize
