i just posted a lake picture of you with a dead fish in your mouth. happy july 5th.
Fuck the gym. I just shaved m'cooch and my pants now fit looser.... Dont judge me.
My own mom unfriended me on Facebook.
Haha o man how much you've grown. From beer bonging wine and wearing cargo shorts to well, beer bonging beer and wearing cargo shorts
what are we doing this weekend?
I have enough booze to get us through Armageddon...which basically means that on Sunday we will have to make a trip to the liquor store.
I want what they have, but in the meantime I have a whole bottle of rum to which I'm quite devoted
I feel like I was dropped out of a helicopter. Through the propeller.
Today has been like a snow day for your boobs. No rules, just doing whatever they want.
Question: what's the protocol for seeing your mistress walking alongside her clueless boyfriend? If you could answer this ten minutes ago, that'd be great.
I spilled a whole plate of queso and salsa on my bed so I'm just eating it off my sheets with chips. How's your night going?
You keep making the old jokes & I'm gonna come down with a sudden case of low-estrogen related vaginal dryness..
I'm so drunk and angry about the Michigan game the fact of my relationship being over doesn't matter
I get so sad when I watch him slowly destroy his life with whiskey and cocaine. Then he bites my neck and I just want to fuck him. I can't help it.
His dick is curly. It's adorable.
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
