Definitely locked eyes with the stripper who gave me a lapdance last night as she walked by me and into the Ann Taylor Loft in Times Square.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
She's the only one so far who hasn't laughed at me naked.... I'm gonna marry her.
I don't know where my bra went.
Welll you ran into the street, took it off and yelled "I'm a free woman!". And then you threw it at some homeless guy.
1 month til my stepdad becomes a u.s. citizen, so if you want to get in on the divorce pool its your last chance, $5 a square.
The best part about drinking boxed wine is you can blow up the bag and use it as a pillow
There just aren't enough words in the English language to convey my deep and abiding love of your cock. So I am beefing up on my Portuguese.
My wife ladies and gentlemen! Love ya babe.
But break dance skills will only take you so far
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
I watched you down those shots like a lion cub watching its mother rip apart a gazelle
So I woke up really sad and then I looked in the cabinet and there was weed and now I'm not sad anymore
How old am I that I had to sneak a boy out of my room this morning...
Write this down so you can tell me in the morning. "That bartender needs to be in my mouth."
I told him that he could either pay the 10 dollars for the box of condoms or I'll make him pay for the diapers.
His birthday is on cinco de mayo and he doesn’t drink or like tacos. What a waste.
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