# days @ Coachella: 1 people i showed how to break it down: 279
I want to make Jon&Kate babies with him. Not in quantity, but in percentage asian.
Don't be alarmed at the girl laying on your bathroom floor.
From scraping the remnants from a coke bag at a lingerie party to meeting with an 80 year old man to discuss civil rights all in under 12 hours bizarrely feels like the epitome of my life
dude, I convinced you I was your conscience for like 15 minutes last night. you weren't just "a little high"
She unfriended me on Facebook after I responded to her long love note with #demtittesdoe. Jager is the goddamned devil.
The look of disappointment from my cat while I take nudes...
It's one PM on a Saturday and I'm sitting here drinking Jack, eating a block of cheese and playing Minecraft. Please tell me you can come drag me to a bar.
Please clarify that he is speaking of beer pong and not rough sex
It's 5am and I come home to you naked on the kitchen table and 3 people I never saw before fucking on the back porch ... and my weed gummy worms are gone. fuck you I'm taking your mom's offer
You set fire to his cat.
In my defense, I did not think it would be in the trash bag.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
YOU CANT JUST BLOW GUYS BC THEY’RE NICE TO YOU LEXI
I CAN IF I WANT TO
If I don't wake up tomorrow you inherit my paycheck and can only spend it at cinnabon
Turns out your granddad is cooler than you. We're taking him on our New year's eve pub crawl instead. Sorry.
Randomize
