3:40 am: you never wrote back on my facebook wall
I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
It was like a little tadpole swimming in the big ocean.
i feel sorry for the hotel staff that makes the bed after we have sex
i lnow ive slrrwsdy teted you this. but goddamn girl on tv is a good song
Would it be a dick move to report the suite next-door for a noise violation? They're singing Bad Romance off-key and I'm not sure if I can allow that.
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
It's a fucking menopause festival down here at the strike zone
You called me at 3 am laughing like an idiot. Apparently you consider breaking out of the hospital to be a lifetime achievement.
They used the ice bucket from their room to drink beer from and called it the "Holy Grail"
I just got a lap dance from a sexy cop in return for giving him his sunglasses back. I think this is going to be the beginning of a really great friendship
I smell like thanksgiving dinner and bad decisions. Its not even thanksgiving yet.
I'm sure he likes you too... but your boyfriend is kind of a cockblock
Have I told you i love you?
there's no need we are two peas in a naughty pod of fuckery
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