i wonder how he feels talking to my mother about jesus with a condom on his dick
i was like hansel and gretel. i puked a trail from mcdonalds to our place so i could find my way back in the morning
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
you kept telling us that in dog beers you only had one
What color suit is the proper "i banged the bride" attire?
We had to take the hinges off the bathroom door. Needless to say, you are no longer welcome at that bar
I think you just have to raise your bang age from 40 to 50, hope dust doesn't fly out and make her say tony danza
Is it possible to be sexually attracted to someone's hair?
If you kill yourself you won't get to feel that feeling when you have a good shit in the morning. Arent you gonna miss that?
Just took acid. Wish me luck.
I worked out twice today and you're dropping acid. My life sucks.
I was walking out of the bar when he said I'll see you later and I said I'll see you in my dreams and then fell face first and broke my nose
Wake up. Smoke. Masturbate while eggos cook. Go back to bed. Smoke. Body spray shower. Beer with breakfast. Class. Morning of a champion.
I just found a samari sword in the couch. I'm about to take like 5 shots and pretend to be captain jack sparrow
Dude, he came to our house with a beer can in his hand dressed up in a chicken suit screaming, "free eggs!" then threw up and passed out in the front yard.
Mom got drunk as hell, crashed Dad's wedding and some how left with the best man. This is why you should be glad you aren't my sibling.
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