The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
clearly I should have checked to see if he was an NRA member before I went back to his house and woke up in Heston's haven.
she wrote "SORRY" in her vomit and left
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
he got his own cum in his own eye. TWICE. how do you make that mistake again?
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
God forbid we drive unregistered mopeds without license plates on a pedestrians only sidewalk without goggles while flipping off passing cars.
I'm thinking he has to buy me dinner at least twice before i even start considering casting him for "Fuck buddy - understudy."
my boss just accepted "because it's 4/20" as a legitimate reason to take Friday off
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
you should just get a floor plan of your dorm and start checking off rooms.
I suppose writing him up is more professional than keying his car.
Played Gay Bar on the jukebox and pissed off the Republicans here. Best day before birthday ever.
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