We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
Everything that you guys said happened came back to me. like a tidal wave of regret.
I just realized that there are baby oil soaked hand prints on the wall over my bed. Last night was a good night.
He spent $1100 at a strip club. If I had that kind of disposable income, I'd make a cocaine sandcastle.
i think i need to institute a "if your dick has been in my mouth this year i get a xmas present" policy
You were convinced you would hurt my car if you opened the door. Then you barfed in the pretzle bucket Peter gave you
She only fucks to metal. I don't know whether to marry her or run for the hills.
I was just tryna bring you beer girl. I should've known you'd be shirtless though
Leave it to me to sleep w a guy who gets poison ivy on his dick
Oh my god I found my bf's erotica
OH MY GOD HE WROTE THIS EROTICA.
OH MY GOD THIS IS GOOD EROTICA.
You kidnapped her dog. I don't care that you and the dog are epic bros, that's just not cool. Return him.
He had a vasectomy. I think I'm in love.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
The guy in the cage next to me is having phone sex. His girlfriend is in College Library. Why is my life ridiculous.
Randomize
