Holy shit! This guy had his hands and feet handcuffed and was scooting across the interstate and we almost hit him because it was so dark. I hate Louisiana.
Wow, you know I need to stop drinking alone when I pour my drink into my hand and offer it to my dog,
Omg. I bid $3000 on a cave in Afghanistan on EBay last night.
My professor just used the phrase "balls deep in your mind". My day is officially made.
I just sniffled when I woke up and got a bump of coke. I have never felt so good hung over.
He got me coffee AND filled up my gas tank. He must've fucked another girl in my car..
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
So after your set last night some 42 year old woman bought me a drink, professed her love for your music, and then made out with me last night because she thought I was you. Thank you.
Her vagina was like a painting you can put your face in.
I just realized why I have little cuts all over my fingers. There was a broken pint glass in my purse last night.
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
I had sex in a panda mask the other night.
It's like the hunger games, but we're gonna bone each other instead of kill each other
You got naked in his car? Or the koala suit was in his car? One of those sounds a lot less slutty than the other......
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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