So, I'm about to rent a movie, order pizza, and use my vibrator.... Am I dating myself?
your transformation into a slut upon entering college is like a shakespearian tragedy
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Voted patient of the month again at the urgent care. I need to rethink my life choices.
all i could think about while he was eating me out was how pretty his eyelashes were
Can't tonight. I'm supposed to get drugs for some college kids. Just doin my part in helping to enlight america's future
I'm going back to his house to watch wreck it Ralp.
Hey, Monsters Inc. got me laid. Disney man, who knew it leads to sex.
I got my period today and I cried tears of joy. And then just cried because my cramps are actually killing me from the inside out.
All that stuff they told us in middle school about drugs being easy to find was a bullshit lie.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
I don't get a "my roommate is fucking you" discount?!
Did you come home, throw out a ton of shoes, then leave again?
That is exactly what I did.
Let's just say if my bucket list had "fngered in the middle of a club by a complete stranger while being sprayed by UV paint" then that is well and truly ticked off.
Rule number 1 of dorm living: do not forget your butt plug in the bathroom.
My life is a random series of events connected only by bottles of Seagram's 7
Randomize
