Pretty people don't get stds, I knew it
Motorboating on a tuesday night. not too shabby....
So i just found out i replied to my room mates craigslist ad. Akward
she was seriously choking and the whole time all he kept saying was "that's what she said"
No we didn't have sex. I got my period on his finger.
Would it be inappropriate to do lines in front of the cable guy?
Who wrote Most Moistest Dad on my chest and what the fuck does it mean?!?
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
My high school reunion is Thursday so I need to find an outfit that says "Haha, you got fat and I got tits. Suck it, bitches."
OH MY GOD THE LITTLE GIRL IS SITTING WITH US WHILE WE SMOKE. I'M NOT DOING THIS
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
turns out it took a Belgian couchsurfer dressed as Heisenberg to rock my world.
Also did I tell you guys about the time that I balled for like an hour at a frat and made them play wagon wheel and then cleaned their bathroom
Thanks for wearing matching bob ross shirts to the bar with me and referring to every guy as a happy little accident
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