Dude ! Why is there vomit with whole pieces of sushi in the shower when the toilet is not more than 2 feet away ? btw you need to chew your food better,
There is a reason Crest White Strips don't list masturbation as one of the myriad of activities to do while whitening your teeth. A very good reason.
My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
So what does a sober person do in Vegas on a Friday night?
nothing cures the holiday blues like an open bar
so im goin to clemson & my drug dealers goin to penn state. this is the hardest breakup EVER.
our night together was a product of my beer goggles and jennifer aniston-like desperation.
first party of the semester tomorrow. thinking of wearing a huge sign that says "my summer was good" to avoid the 67 questions and get straight to drinking
In times of desperation, never...NEVER put green apple scented hand sanitizer on your vagina.
Our first crop came in on the day that they added Hercules to Netflix Instant, I think it's the universe telling us that it approves of us growing shrooms in our guest room.
I'm not sure what step "make amends" is, but my phone is on
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
Well while you were being a dick I was taping back together a cougars broken heart
Btw I did not technically have a dick in me but I was naked in bed with a man during the last finals game so that is why the Warriors won
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
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