Seriously, stop being so datable w your movie/song prefs
he whispered in my ear that he would be upstairs and i should come up. i stayed downstairs. he came back down and repeated to whisper in my ear. this happened about 5 times until he passed out.
Slut skills are useful in every country.
Sometimes I worry for your future but then I remember how big your boobs are.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
She said my new name was "ranch" because I "looked delicious"
He equated my biology degree to a belief in Santa. I wonder if he heard the doors to my vagina clanging shut.
I'm about to airblow my boyfriend. I'll three-way you.
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
That moment when you see yourself in a security camera feed and realize you forgot a bra. And pants.
woke up and somehow me leather belt got torn in half. either we partied with the hulk or some chick just could not wait to see my dick. probably the former tho
My next goal in this relationship is to teach my boyfriend that there are valid reasons to be fear of dolphins completely.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
dont know what thebfuxk is in rhat shit, but dont lemme have antmore
Randomize
