how do I set my phone to only ring when I'm asleep when sex is certain?
Umm I need a rain check. Long story short is I have scabies. Research it if you want. I'll tell you everything another time soon, I promise.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
He took shrooms and didn't want anyone to touch him. He kept saying he was a chip and he didn't want to break.
They made the rule if I caught the ball with my cleavage they would drink the entire beer pong table. I don't think they expected me to actually do it.
Just served breakfast to a bunch of hella drunk kids. They kidnapped the birthday boy for his 21st and he was wearing a disney onesy and bunny ears. They've been drinking since before dawn, why don't we have friends like that?
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
PS- I just ordered a two man zebra costume. Would you like to be my back end?
I don't know where he learned to eat pussy but I thought I was going blind
It is becoming increasingly more likely that my entire halloween costume will be entirely composed of borrowed clothing from the two girls I'm hooking up
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
Don't make emojis simulating eating me out
I have so many feelings about this burrito
I've talked to too many cops in one week and I haven't even committed any crimes. I hate the suburbs
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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