I had to puke in a pizza box on the drive home. People saw.
Does it count as a shower if I just sat in the tub singing I'm a Little Teapot?
Based on how hungover I feel today, it makes more sense that the bouncer didn't let me in to that bar.
Dude... Hand job in the lake... It was as weird as it sounds.
She went into the basement and sang to my cat for three hours....she actually has a beautiful voice....
If for any reason you were wondering if i was going to vomit at the airport today, the answer is yes.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
I have to remind myself to breathe. That hungover.
I have a rash on my arm from the cat litter. Think the cat will be mad that I peed in its box?
I just got a lap dance from a kid in the coconut bra... So not drunk enough for this.
Who knew that the guy I fucked on your front lawn during welcome week freshman year would turn out to be my husband
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
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