oh so you have enough money for the third eye blind concert but not enough for the morning after pill?
i should write a book entitled 'the joys of being sexually objectified'
Just found out my drug dealer is also a porn star. It's a good day.
they said they heard you say put it in my butt
Just saw a girl trying to crack an egg with her butt cheeks. I think I know what we're doing thursday night.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
Chugged a beer while being walked to the bathroom by campus police to pour the beers out.
So we were having sex and his roommate walks in eating a bag of chips. Then proceeds to talk to us about his bitch of a professor.
Did he at least offer you guys chips?
Plus it's a good way to scope out guys. Have them fight for you, like real males do in nature.
We were 69ing, but at an angle so we could both still watch Wall-E
What're you gonna do with the rest of your night?
Probably watching cooking videos and fantasizing about pie
I picked up a towel, and butt beads fell out of it.
Oh yeah... Surprise!
I may or may not have been feeling patriotic and banged Captain America in a closet. SPOILER ALERT: We broke his shield
And I mentioned the burning debate about your circumcision in my Christmas card to your mom.
Randomize
