Next time, if you wake and bake, make sure you nail the wake part. Not easy to explain to mum. Or the fire brigade.
I hate to tell you this, but your sister reeks of whore.
My dad just walked in on me screwing the chick from the bar...the look of relief on his face was sort of hurtful.
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It was pathetic and I was covered in butter
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
i think i swapped my keys for drugs last night
So he says "my girlfriends coming over so you have to leave but I love you"
Apparently getting drunk at a philanthropy event and tweeting about it is "frowned up"
wellllllll.... I literally just puked in my mouth so perhaps this is not the epic love connection I believed it to be 3 minutes ago.
She jumped on a table and took off her shirt and started yelling things that no one understood. For being 3, she has a dead on impression of a drunk party girl.
What's dad's email?
askmom@cause.idk
I'm sitting next to the guy that peed in our drying machine
Yes, ur purse got stole with our condo keys in it but my slut ass saved us and we had a place to stay, AND I got to choke a motherfucker while riding him. Thats taking one for the team.
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