Billy Mays is dead, Vince Schlomi is in jail, who's going to sell me useful gadgets at ridiculously low prices now?!
that last vodka shot was definitely the straw that broke the camels alcohol tolerance level
Two girls I have never met just thumb wrestled to decide who gets to make out with me.
I know I should be focused on nurturing their bright little minds but it's 10 a.m. and I need a cock in my mouth
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
Whoever was the last to get in from the chinese firedrill had to pay the dealer.
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
my make-up looks really good tonight. I swear it had nothing to do with me finishing all of your strawberry vodka.
I'm sitting on your porch drinking wine from the bottle. Just so your new neighbors know what kind of people are in the neighborhood
We told you to act sober so to prepare yourself you started doing squats and stretching then you slapped yourself and walked in
No alcohol sales on Election Day. WTF? Today, of all days, I need to be splurged to to vote for any of these morons running for president.
I'm literally spending $165 to fly to Arizona to have a sex road trip coming back
bonging vodka is the same level of "good idea" as eating machetes
duddde i wasn't even home last night and someone elses clothes are on my floor and there glow sticks everywhere?!
Randomize
