FYI... At my funeral, it will be your job to throw yourself dramatically onto my casket.
You bet me 100 dollars that the Raiders would win the super bowl this year. I have it on tape.
Last night you were talking while puking saying, "ahh the shoes and the purse, I'm gonna have to wash those"
Whoevers house this is has only beer and cream cheese in the fridge. Thats the diet im gonna go on
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
That awkward moment when the guy you hooked up on spring break invites you over for dinner to meet his parents and you say yes because the first rule of college is never turn down a free meal.
THE SHIT YOU GET YOURSELF INTO
I just got head while watching air force one. Harrison ford would be proud.
Fuck you, you can't judge me til you've smelt my boobs.
your ability to divide cases of beer among any given group of people equally was missed.
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Blowing lines in the bathroom and trying to get into the mindset of someone who wants to be at work for 12 hours
Like, what do you do with girlfriends? Buy her dinner and just like leave?
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I can't control his boners. I can only encourage them.
So, were you planning on telling me you left your panties in my glovebox??
Randomize
