I have to decide between the hot young blond with no apparent gag reflex, and the brunette with a great ass and a trust fund.
She just sent me a txt where every word ended in "zzz", with about a hundred "!!!" and called herself "juicezzz". I need back up.
I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I wanna tell red shirt guy I'm pregnant and use the abortion money for Coachella.
the liquor store owner came out from behind the counter and kissed my cheek when he saw that i am back for fall semester
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I demanded respect from my fuck buddy. Drunk me is not fun.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I also know you puked in your shoe.
That would explain the note .... I apparently wrote myself an apology note from drunk to sober me .... saying "sorry for the fancy shoe soup" .... ugh I'll never drink again ...
drying my bra with a hair dryer wasn't exactly how I had planned on starting my day.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Just wiped the ashes off my forehead before he came over to have sex. Definitely going to hell.
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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