Do you have swine flu?
I know my taste in men is not always top notch; however, I don't sleep with swine.
Pigs, yes. Swine, no.
Sharpest. Poop. Ever.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He says he's "masters drunk." And if that's anything like "kentucky derby drunk" I know enough to not go over there.
I'm tempted to see how fat I can get before he leaves me. It's obvious we're playing a game of chicken here.
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
Just successfully made home fries from potatoes we used as bowls while stoned as shit. I deserve a trophy.
is anything happening tonight?? I'm soooo in need of a tasteful and healthy bender.
I praised you last night for winning a chug off...you thanked me with a ridiculously hard headbutt. Thanks dick.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
TELL HER ABOUT THE GODDAMNED MOTHERFUCKING POTATOES
Let's just grow old together and be the crazy ladies that sit on the park bench, drinking booze from flasks and loudly talk about people who walk by.
on one hand I spent like $120 last night..on the other that was the best sex of my life
I’m going to Lewinsky this place
That makes no sense, but it sounds terrifying
I almost suffocated in that mask but she kept calling me Jeremy so I kept it on.
Randomize
