hes so high that he's convinced hes a duck. hes squating in the bathtub quacking. that was NOT JUST pot.
It's like I paid NJ Transit $33 to suck his dick and go home. Fuck that.
NExt question... Do i wanna sleep under my palm tree
YES.
I knew it was time to leave Waffle House when you started singing "What's Your Fantasy" to your hash browns.
Thanks for not waking me up before the firefighters chopped down my door
Do you remember unrolling paper towels as a blanket?
All I remember is apologizing to his sister for being a bad influence while I was throwing up into a big gulp cup.
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
Ya I painted "STOP TRYING ANAL" on her headboard. I'm sick of listening to her whine through the wall and bitch the next day.
I woke up this morning with a sharpie tramp stamp. Pretty sure it's a picture of a squirrel.
Got to work this morning and thought... Did I really dance on that pole last night
Yesterday we were fuck buddies and today I'm meeting his mom. That escalated quickly.
So I woke and tried to get up. Then I realised my foot was stuck in the pocket of the pool table.
Im at a south american orphan benefit auction drinking stoli in a coffee mug, this is what my life has become, thanks a lot community college
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