Not that I thought your boyfriend was a phile
But the whole crossing guard thing? Weird.
i never thought i'd have to say "please stop having sex on me"
wow.
yeah, it was that bad.
I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
matt is drinking blue powerade and it looks like he has hypothermia. i can't take this kid anywhere.
Things on my life to do list: hold a pound of marijuana. Check.
Come on the kid is gayer than me
Like the straightest thing he could do right now is take it up the butt
between my moustache and how drunk I am it will be a miracle if I get laid tonight.
Putting the hydrocodone in Pez dispensers. Do you want Speedy Gonzales or Darth Vader?
Judging by her face, I'd say she's at least dabbled with meth...
We simultaneously blacked out then simultaneously came to then simultaneously had sex with the neighbors. We're definitely meant to be roommates.
all I wanna do is swim in an Olympic sized pool of Gatorade and tylenol.
Only thing I got out of his drunken Spanish is something that sounded like "pencil sharpener." Damn rosetta stone.
I'm just going to text him the word sex repeatedly until he comes over.
Did it work?
Duh, it only took 27 texts and 15 minutes and he was at my front door.
I'd rather take 10 virginities than catch something. Right now I should be good, I mean the sex with Jake was so bad he can't possibly have an std
We saw the mini basketball hoop and unicycle and just knew we had to create a new sport
Drunk minds think alike
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