My hair reeks of homosexuality.
Goodnight sugar queer
Sugar queer??
Why does my predictive text prioritize 'queer' over 'puffs'?
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
What a good family we'd make, him and I and our kids and his good dick.
Wow, I just sneezed gum out of my nose. Wonder how long that's been up there.
I'm just gonna ignore the fact that I have no pants on and find a way home. A good one-nighter never goes back for his pants.
I'll probably just lay on my couch bra-less sipping wine out of a straw so I don't have to lift my head.
I hope your sleeping good cuz when u wake up im punching you square in the face
This would be a good time to bring up the fact that my spider-man fork is MIA
I recorded his orgasm, set it as his ringtone, and called him while they were singing happy birthday to his mom. Yeah, revenge is sweet.
Kelly and I just had sex, and you didn't call or text to interrupt, are you alive? We are both concerned.
Hell no. Last time I used a Slip N Slide I ended up with bruised ribs, a broken fence and the hatred of a half naked girl with a sprained wrist.
Um, when I went down on you it got stuck there. Still had gum in my mouth. Didn't exactly have use of my hands to assist
I legit measured his penis against my chapstick and it was too close to call. So that was my night.
Grandma keeps pulling a bottle of captain from her pocket and spiking people's drinks.. She just yelled "I'm DAMN HOT to be a grandma!" .. I LOVE HER.
Randomize
