Tell your sister I'm no fool. Or at least romanticize the notion of the fool.
I'm at a party watching some dude try to eat a whole package of Oreos in 5 minutes.
Sucks about the cops last night
to be honest when I first looked up I wanted to know who was coming from a costume party..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
apparently i walked around all last night forcing people to beer bong whatever drink was in their hand. so far this morning ive had three people refer to me as beer bong man
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
You ripped my pants off and gave me the choice use it or lose it what was I suppose to do.
after stripping the bed and soaking it with the "pet spot remover" I have, I decided in the best interest of my mattress and our drunk friends bladders, i should invest in rubber sheets.
You were wearing a sequin mini, with Tevas. And you still got laid.
you should probably call the Bronx Zoo in the morning to formally apologize
its the right thing to do
Apparently the guy with the moaning gf that lives above us is in my DES class... AWKWARD
It's probably not a good thing when it isn't even 6:30 and I've already drank an entire bottle of wine. By myself. I'm watching Spice World and I just bought 2 Spice Girls albums off itunes.
Make that 3 Spice Girls albums.
I've got a surprise in the fridge when you get back.
Is it a puppy?
i feel like every weekend turns into a giant blur of i dont want to know...
Randomize
