I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
last night this guy was hitting on me by showing me the famous people he had in his contacts on his cell... when he asked me if i knew lindsay lohan, i said "whose that? sounds asian"
what made it akward was his girlfriends dog watching us have sex
sometimes i think i'm bisexual but then i realize the only girl i'm attracted to is myself.
The Ukrainian kid just told me that our econ professor wants to bone me. Please tell me that phrase means something different in Eastern Europe.
my hippie aunt just sent me some brownies with a note saying not to eat them under any circumstances until finals are over. excited.
I'm confused about why you felt the need to ask me to buy you life alert for christmas at 3:28 this morning.
Those were the days I had no morals... Dark times.
Shall we take a trip back?
It might've been him telling me last night that he "doesn't even need beer goggles to fuck me." When I thought that was sweet, I realized something needed to change.
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Apparently I give handjobs in my sleep. So that's interesting.
Just drink your champagne out of a trophy like a fuckin winner
Sooo i'm debating posing nude for the drawing and painting classes, I just wanna see if they draw my nip ring.
Did you mean to say flashlight? Or did your grandpa really give you a fleshlight for your bday?
This is the most aggressive rendition of that Proclaimers song I ever heard.
Randomize
