Dual....:-)
I just threw up on my dentist
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
Happy graduation...we are now officially unemployed alcoholics!
I save people's lives for a living, but I want to ruin his marriage.
I decided to have standards now that i've graduated. No guys without a bed frame.
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
How was your weekend?
The sex was so good. It hurts to exist.
He's a forty-something balding gay man with no boundaries or sense of social norms. Of course we should befriend him.
He took off his priest costume and proceeded to dryhump the teletubby.
A girl just asked me if we had pregnancy tests and a coworker had to stop me from telling her I was a pregnancy test. THAT is why I don't drink at work.
I just bought a blender and 120 pizza rolls. Bring tequila.
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
how does that bad decision feel?
Randomize
