I'm pouring my heart out in these texts and you're going around showing everyone???
Is it bad that when I see ugly people make out, I hope he's impotent?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
Either she got face surgery at midnight, or i need to stop drinking...
He just walked in our room casually and said "big girls are hungry"
Clearly he doesn't understand my need to be surrounded by cats at all times
At a Jewish lesbian wedding. I stick out like a sore, uncircumcised penis.
After throwing up, the toothpaste tasted so good. Thank you for not letting me eat it.
I just wanted to warn you I have strep throat incase I gave it to that guy we both hooked up with on New Years.
He's not replying to my booty call. Like wtf. You have ONE PURPOSE IN LIFE.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
I appear to have wine on my toes. I am really not clear as to how this happened. I'm gonna have a little lie down.
He doesn't have much of a personality but he makes up for it with his sexual prowess
keeper.
hey, so i dont know your name. but im guessing we had sex last night. seeing that you're in my phone as "had sex time thursty thursday guy"
He sent me a text saying his breakfast today was leftover mead and some fruit salad
Randomize
