You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
Weird shit dude, I just realized that the girl I fucked last night looks like Shaun White's twin sister. I dunno if I should be scared or turned on
I hope her Double McTwist was as good as his
She sucked her thumb until she was 17. It's like my dick was born to be in her mouth.
I found out during it when he said "my girlfriend never does this" so he's all to blame, I had no idea until half way through.
no seriously, she's legit pissed i'm late to lunch because i was watching full house. there's obviously no future here.
The bottle I was drinking out of splintered on the bottom, there was glass in my hand, I pulled it out with my teeth... Not the best night for Drunk Kevin
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
being sober in physics class makes me realize the regularity with which i show up to it still drunk
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
Fucking in bar bathrooms doesn't count as "rushing things"
Care to explain the single rose and the package of "Cowboy Moustaches" I found on the porch?
Nothing says depression like laying in your bed stoned, naked, and eating a cupcake
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
Randomize
