Y do pigs give u trufles on farmville? I WANT BACON YOU FUCKING PIG!
I JUST WOKE UP ON A TRAIN
I SHUDNT B ON A TRAIN
You know you're a nerd when you lose track of how many times you've gotten turned on watching Glee.
Met the five year old's gym teacher for next year. He is an old drinking buddy and I used to fuck his older brother. It was like a walk of shame 20 years late.
She just told me she blew the waiter in the bathroom. Should I still leave a tip?
Dude she has the ugliest blow job face ever.
You are the worst substitute drug dealer ever
Cavemen vs astronauts. weapons to be determined. Who would win?
They got me high and left me at the mall with a giftcard for $400. I need an adult.
WHY IN THE FUCK DID YOU LET ME DRUNK PUNCH STEVE? HE IS SUCH A NICE GUY!
Nothing like grinding all night with a hot ethnic guy dressed as a clown to help conquer your phobia. Halloween is fucked up.
She asked for references to decide whether she wanted to have sex with me. And she was serious.
I know he's gay. But if he touches my vagina I'm human centipeding his face. Sorry not sorry
I just asked my mom if I could be the drunk realitive at the reunion. She said as long as I'm not obvious.
I woke up under the stretchy sheet like the corners were still stuck under the bed. I had to wiggle the corners off in order to get up. I was trapped. how did that happen
Randomize
