oh my god, i just wanna eat cake off your dick
I made out with a deaf person. Also I've been drunk 11 days in a row now.
I'm so hungover I took Dramamine to help prevent the motion sickness of walking.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I told her the maid must have stolen all my condoms. She bought it
like when he blacked out and we found him in the garden eating your tomatoes off the vine
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
Exactly. Some of us want to get married. And some of us want to wear sombreros and do cocaine. To each their own.
Having a heartfelt conversation with your boyfriends mom while sexting her son. If that's not multitasking, I don't know what is.
The zombie version of you bit my friend's hand. No more zombie crawl for you. Not ever.
No. There is no way we have to stoop so low as to ask your dad for weed. There has to be an alternative.
You'll love it there. Trust me. Cheap tequila, pretentious beer, tall white guys who will treat you badly. Its got everything you like.
It's not even a normal fucking affair I've found myself in. It's a fucking bdsm clusterfuck.
It's weird having sex with someone you actually like
I think I may have gotten way too used to using my boobs as an extra hand/pocket...almost stabbed myself in the chin bc I forgot I put my fork there
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