life lesson #1: a fart during an awkward silence between 2 strangers doesnt make it less awkward.
I know...I feel like disliking her as a person on facebook
he was shitfaced drunk and couldn't walk but could still recite the top 10 in order from the first season of american idol. impressive
He wasn't there when I woke up so I left him a heart shaped line before I left.
I guess at this point I should stop judging guys on their looks and more on their major and trust fund. Growing up sucks.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
Whatever you gave me is making me lactate
We've given up. My vagina is tired of constant lonely nights and disappointments. This is our retirement.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
I shaved my asshole for you. You WILL fuck me tonight.
I did this clutch move yesterday at the bar where I grabbed a plastic cup for water and discreetly threw up in it while walking around and then tossed it. It was my best boot and rally ever
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
She's the prison bitch to my Martha Stewart.
Okay, the good news, found Jared, all IDs accounted for, Jack is meeting us at yours with your requested the delivery. The bad news: Lost Alice, banned from Stages, possibly fucked my TA in the bathroom.
My school has hired a professional rum bottle juggler for our dining hall this evening.
Randomize
