I need to find more Xanax, my Grandpa doesent leave for another week and he's made it a mission to get me to come out of the closet as a xmas gift to my parents.
Our room will be decorated with my urine.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
My phone autocorrected your name to "grownup." that couldn't be more inaccurate. I'm getting a new phone.
wanna mail me your GoPro for St.Patties and I'll mail it back to you coverend in puke?
IM HUNGOVER AT MOTHERS DAY BRUNCH AND A NUN FROM CHURCH JOINED US
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
Gary just stuck his dick in his Guinness. I can't even make this up
When I type "sleep" my phone suggests "with Trevor". My phones an asshole.
HE LIVES IN ANOTHER STATE
actually scratch that last text, he's the perfect boyfriend. He stays faithful and doesnt find out about all the guys here. it's a win-win
OF COURSE I NEED TO KNOW I MUST KNOW EVERYTHING
YOU ARE NOT OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
I AM OMNIPOTENT AND YOU HAVE TO DEAL WITH THAT
His penis is the only thing worth pursuing but all the baggage attached isn't.
We really gotta wear capes to the bar more often...
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
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