i wish we had vans that drove around at night but insteand of ice cream and jolly tunes its taco bell and the macarena
from all the glitter we used it actually looked like a disco stick
Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Howd you meet this guy?
I found him next to my pants on sunday morn.
Sorry I didn't text you for coffee this morning...bad life decision Saturday sorta rolled into Monday...
If I sleep with another Spanish guy it is officially renamed my senor year.
The kid in the park, who was on a leash I might add, looked at us and yelled "stranger danger" before hiding behind his dad
I transported a midget tonight. He got beat up by another, midgetier midget. Is it bad that this is what makes me feel compassion after 15 years of being a paramedic?
Midgetier?
Smaller, yet meaner.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
Why do I love Florida? Because I just quit my job because it's too pretty a day to go to work and I'm going to the beach to eat seafood and drink beer.
You should fuck with them and beat off in the cup and then walk out an be like, "This was a sperm donation right?"
I had a drinkin contest with a person that didnt exsist, fuck withdrawl day
Hold on are you sure that we dont have another roommate?
Yes.
Rough day
Good thing I've started drinking again
My liver is screaming fuck you right now.
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