the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
dude did u upper deck my toilet?
haha like two months ago
i cleaned the bathroom like ten times before i realized what the smell was.....i hate u
Fuck, operation next sex victim is on as soon as i get back. Do not sleep with that red head, nobody likes accidental ginger babies.
During sex he wiggled his hips and said "I'm turning the ice cream" Deal breaker?
I tried to fuck this guy who I'm pretty sure has an erectile dysfunction
When you wake up in your dorm right outside your room with the key in the door, then you will understand my pain.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Remind me in the future that chugging dog codeine is not the best idea.
Is the booze for tonight or the apocalypse?
Both. Pregaming the zombie party and hurricane sustenance.
I STILL HAVE A HARD TIME DECIDING WHAT TO WEAR IN THE MORNING HOW WOULD IT BE POSSIBLE FOR ME TO PICK A PAIR OF PANTS AND GO OH ILL JUST WEAR THESE FOR THE REST OF MY LIFE
My wife managed to convince me to not drink everclear by threatening to ban me from her vagina
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
I just quoted part of the Pokemon theme song in a sext... And it worked
11:30pm - Shots together. 12:15pm Shots together. 12:45pm Shots together. 9:30am Plan B's together.
Only if I get to be Gritty
How would you be Gritty for a fantasy hockey league?
Don't worry about it.
Randomize
