I'm trying to bond with my sister... Its like getting to know a person I never met that I don't like
How come it tastes like onions whenever I go down on her?
Every good night starts with white castle burgers and shots in the parking lot.
There is a semi-attractive guy at the door who's looking for you. Says he met you on Chatroulette. Start explaining NOW.
he proposed by singing a showtune... he might as well have had a cock in his mouth at the time
You're the only person i know who can laugh and talk while puking
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
OH MY GOD DO YOU REMEMBER WISHBONE? DO YOU REMEMBER THAT LITTLE BITCH? WHAT'S THE STORY WISHBONE
you left the hospital looking like the grudge, your mom and I were pushing you in a wheel chair and you yelled peace out fuckers.
There's glitter in my speakers, piles of cheezits on the floor, a random Audi in the driveway and a homeless dude napping in a lawn chair in the backyard. Wtf happened last night?
I've noticed we have slowly begun to phase the "B" out of our Bromance.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
They said you went back in for 30 minutes and were walking with your arms out like an eagle soaring
I couldn't have possibly been that bad
You had her flip the penny over to the lucky side before you picked it up and ate it...
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