Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
my sister just canceled her nose job because she thought it would hurt too much
It'll hurt less than being alone
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
You know the gilmore girls would be alright if it was on mute the whole time
It's all sex hats and vagina bandages with you isn't it?
I haven't gone out since the baby was born. If I don't get arrested, in a fight, or both I'm going to be super pissed.
Oh my Christ. I just came so hard my penis stood back up and took a bow afterwards. I need Thai food.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Why do you have an empty bottle of port in your bathroom bin?
So, it's been almost 3 months and and I still dont know her last name. That's gotta be a record.
I looked so sad that Jessica gave me a bar of soap. So that's where I'm at.
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
So I met one of her cousins last night. She recognized me as "the guy that's always in the liquor store", I may have a problem.
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