Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I served up a girl her first a2m the other day. You would have been proud.
dude if i could bring that prime piece of meat home, id be the luckiest average-looking girl who ever lived
Dude I thought this was going to suck, but moving back in with my dad is like being at a frat party every night only everyone is 40 years old.
HOW DID U BEAT A GAY GUY IN GAY CHICKEN?
Your like the Mozart of blow jobs, you make every other girl seem like cheesy elevator music.
Apparently it's poor taste to ask for a break up blow job...in McDonald's. Also, that's not the best way to break the news either.
Wait, you seriously DON'T keep vodka in your backpack??!??!?
Are you coming to class or was the dick pic this morning your way of saying not today?
You're 31, how do you still outdrink all these college kids?
Practice, Irish genes, and a lack of desire to live past 40. But mostly practice.
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
Bro I needs to be rescued in 30 mins...prfeebly someone died in a car accident needs to be the excuse
I'm just down here gazing up into your ivory tower of nudes
He told me he loved me...but added "you crazy bitch" at the end. Does it still count???
That Spanish guy who looks like Ben Affleck from that club we went to 3 weeks ago is still texting me.. He clearly doesn't remember what I look like.
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