some old guy just shit himself in my section. everyones leaving
Its like we are women, and boise state is a gangster rap song. This game is degrading
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
Well when you're drinking tequila mixed with water out of a steve Austin cup I really don't think acquiring a straw is your main priority
We have an unspoken agreement. He helps me move and I give him a blow job. It's really unfair to him considering he doesn't know how much shit I have.
He was handing out home-made business cards that read "finger slamming bitches since 1986"\n
it's like I can see my whorish nature reflected back at me in his wedding ring.
Don't matter if she's straight, I'll get her. I'm not called The Transformer for nothing
He wants to buy me a drink to apologize for sending me a pic of his dick. Welcome to my life.
I just realized my new apartment is at the corner of Patrick Henry and Mary Jane.
Give me weed or give me death?
I slept with a Brazillian Man, That's why I'm Watching The World Cup
You don't know the true meaning of fear until your girlfriend's niece insists on sitting on your lap with 20 mg of Viagra coursing through your veins.
its a comptetion of fuckups and im HERE TO WIN
I just bartered a blowjob for the ex-fiancée's engagement ring. FTW!
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