R you on birth control?
No, why?
...no reason
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
okay, this is the fifth time he asked if it was in yet. maybe i shouldn't have dated a blind guy.
So I just saw a commercial for tickle me Elmo furry gloves. And I thought hmm I bet I could jerk off with those. Is that a sign of deepseated charachter issues?
This concert is like a reunion of all my bad sex.
ever seen your mom drunk enough to lick your face? i have
New low: falling asleep with my face in the toilet only to be awoken when my hand slid down and touched the water. It's moments like these I wish I could forget.
Woke up on a mattress on a roof this morning with a pair of briefs next to me. Oh fleet week.
Can't we have real sex instead of you just thrusting the air near me?
Hey! Where are you? It's Irrisponsible Patio time and you're not here firing shots down summer student's throats
So what's it like to be pregnant?
It feels like I'm hungover and when I was drunk I was kicked off a mechanical bull and then trampled.
He fucked me so hard my hair extensions fell out
I shouldn't be allowed to be in america for NYE... or any major holiday for that matter
I’ve gotta be honest, I didn’t expect to have sex. I didn’t shave... anything. You couldn’t have been impressed.
FYI - Don’t go in the downstairs bathroom. Ryan is passed out naked on the floor with a raging hard on.
Randomize
