i've got a dick and you've got a pussy....what is the problem??
mmm... i enjoy making beautiful women smile
Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
i just got cum up my nose. i would have expected more from the captain of the men's lacrosse team
We were confused who drove until we went outside and her cupholders were torn out of the dash and laying on the ground
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
Did you ever stop and think that god invented whiskey dick specifically for me
btw theres a pine tree in the downstairs shower. the guys thought it would be a great free air freshener.
Just put an ad on Craigslist for a fake groom... I'm sure only non creepy sane people will respond to it
Wake up we need to beat the walk of shame rush hour
I've found a new low. I was climb-on-the-bar-piano drunk.
Last night was so embarrassing. I got like almost blackout drunk and threw up in my hand and then blamed it on someone else.
If it involves notarization or the Misfits, I am up to date. Anything else, I know fuck-all.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
Is it sad that I just pissed sitting down so I didn't have to stop eating doritos?
Randomize
