my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
i'm in the sorta mood where i wanna be that crying, drunk girl who will hook up with anyone that tells her she's pretty
hey dont come home for a while, moms drunk and is telling the story of 'how she met dad at that orgy' again
My sink just fell out of the wall. I can't deal with this right now
How many folks do you know who bring coke to a dinner party. Seriously.
I can't wait. Forget the royal wedding. This is the most anticipated hookup of 2011.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
also bought condoms to give away to people who look like they're about to make a bad halloween decision. I'm like a fairy.
You were so excited to be getting 4 tickets to the Whale Rodeo.... That high
He told me he wanted to show me something beautiful, then just started peeing off the bridge into oncoming traffic
At one point I was giving him a handjob and I started singing Call Me Maybe
last night on the strip the guy screamed at you YOU GOTTA WORK ON YOUR CALVES.
The best thing about last night is when drunk Lauren asked cop if she could smoke a joint in front of him. And next thing I remember she’s smoking weed with a cop. How awesome is that.
Actually new year, new me. I haven’t had sex yet so technically I’ve been a virgin all year.
You let the ASEXUAL teach sex Ed?!
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