I'm either too drunk or not bisexual anymore
so, i drunkenly called my religious roomie because i was lost and told her if she couldn't come find me, jesus would condemn her to hell for not leading me to the light .. too much?
She came over and gave me a handy and then just lingered for a day and a half. Worst weekend ever.
Wheres my "thanks for using birth control effectively and not contributing to the downfall of society" card.
Just found out my 21st birthday is on a Wednesday. The possibilities are cheap, as well as endless.
Im drinking in homer but I guess Egan got arrestest on an "assault by water ballon" charge but tom actually threw the water balloon in question at the bartender.
I don't think it's considwred fine dining when you're passing out at golden palace in chinatown at 4 am with you boss who happens to be wearing a dress.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
First time on E and Chris took me to a petsmart during puppy day. I might die of pure awesomeness.
Why would I take you home? That would eliminate the chances of you making bad decisions I could ridicule you about later.
So Bodhi just sent me a pic of someone's balls with a message that says "I hope you all have a ballin' night." I don't even know what level of friendship to call this anymore.
Oh my god.
The ballsiest level.
I think he just tried to put your boyfriend in a trashcan....
I am texting my fuck buddy about fucking tonight, while facebook chatting with his wife about food.
DIBS on your mom for my beer pong partner.
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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