The only good thing about ohio is that i can get 2 half gallons of soco for 40 bucks
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
So after the reception we snuck back into the church for drunken hook up. we passed out there and woke up in time for 6am mass still dressed from the wedding. spiritually trashy or classy?
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
i had to wake up at 4 am to do my laundry because I was afraid if I saw people in the laundry room they would judge me by the amount of clothes I had covered in vomit from syllabus week
She made me take my shoes off outside her room but she didn't make me wear a condom. I am confused.
Her name means "flower that enlarges and gives birth." There is no way she isn't getting knocked up
If you don't want me in your apartment then lock your door better
Heard you had a bad day. I have vodka, chocolate and my dick here ready to put a smile back on your face.
Someone snapchat me a pic of you topless laying on the bar with Scotty pouring a bottle of tequila down your throat. IT'S NOT EVEN ELEVEN YET.
School starts next week
My snow day: told Cam, "we're not dating today, we're just roommates." No bra, boxers, drinking whiskey by myself for the past 2 hours, yelling at The Ultimate Fighter reruns from 3 years ago.
I feel like an involuntary Mother Theresa. I DON'T WANT TO BE ABSTINENT!
I'm just gonna back away slowly and come back when there's less weird crap.
My girl friends dad just asked how I get so drunk and then he passed out with a bloody Mary in his hand on the couch it's 230 do you know where your parents are
We were supposed to have sex but we had smoked so much neither of us wanted to move.
Randomize
