You're boyfriend is farting in his sleep. The last one sounded like a threat.
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
Terrible. Enormous nipples with a small ring of boob on the outside. It looked like a tittie eclipse
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
It honestly wasnt my fault this time. i was in shock. WHO THE FUCK OWNS A PEACOCK?!
All I really need to know is how to say "where is the bathroom" and "I don't take it in the butt anymore". I think that will suffice.
You know what i just remembered? I asked the 8 ball if i was gonna get kicked out this semester before any of this stuff happened and it said yes. ITS REAL.
And they were awkwardly all over each other in a Christian way.
I don't care if my next phone has to run on the blood of virgin koala bears, I don't want to be scrambling for a charger.
Dude. My tinder just blew up in Seattle. I'm moving here. I don't give a fuck
mid-sex she goes "oh my god. you aren't even going to remember my name in the morning, are you?". And i was so wasted that i straight up told her "honestly, I don't even remember your name right now"
Third time this week I've caught co workers dry humping. Quarantine really changes people's priorities.
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
