My dick has been asking about u. He said he didn't do anything wrong n I'm a dumbass
hey as creepy as this sounds i still have your eyelashes on my desk
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
ok perfect im about to bedazzle our mini keg named hans. he is ready to rage
I woke up to a gnawing sound in the middle of the night and asked him what it was. He told me it was the family of squirrels that lives in the wall and to go back to sleep.
He sent me a Microsoft outlook meeting request to blow him in the storage room at work. I had to accept.
This must be what defeat feels like to Tom Brady today. I bet he wishes he could barf up all of his bad decisions from yesterday, too.
Told some chick I'm a virgin, on my way to her house as I type this. Debating crying afterwards to fuck with her head.
I think I'm gonna quit partying for awhile. Piercing my own nose is where I draw the line.
I definitely think you should enjoy one last spring break being a sorostitute before you get serious and settle down with price charming. I mean hes not going to be there any way. he can wait a week.
Well.. If you trust a test that only costs a dollar, I'm not pregnant
I just drunkenly signed my mortgage application...
Is this how the global financial crisis happened?
We left him in some bushes a few blocks down toward campus. Did he find his way home?
He threatened my life and my car because I called you. Are you sure you never slept with him ?
I think part of my soul drowned in beer and/or jack daniels last night.
Randomize
