Sometimes when I whip my dick out it looks REAL impressive. This, was NOT one of those times.
they say celebs die in threes. leave it to billy mays to throw in one extra COMPLETELY FREE!
Please tell me you saw the asian lady with the medical mask on cutting her lawn with scissors.
Ok, honestly? Periods can't be THAT bad, have you ever tried to shave a ball sack?!
Man, I must say, having known you since preschool, Eiffel-Tower-ing her would've fully completed our journey to brotherhood.
Swear to god this chicks brother got let out of jail for the weekend for the sole purpose of cock blocking me
Im surprised putting the throwing knife "dartboard" next to the door didnt end up worse
I just realized I'm trading you a pregnancy test for the morning after pill...
It's been a bad semester.
it was a frathouse cornucopia of foul mixed drinks and "sangria", which im convinced was blood and pcp
I don't care. I'll text you about my butthole whenever I please. That's what you signed up for in this relationship.
Babies are disgusting. I held one once. Then I washed my hands and rinsed my mouth out with wine.
If he survived pride he can survive a gay bar
You would seriously think I would remember who put themselves in my phone as Burt Rynalds Moustache, but I don't. And I need to be reminded of who you are so I can give you a proper high five.
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
Such a big mess for such a small penis
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