too bad being hungover isnt a job. just threw up from 9am to 5pm
I hit him with a car. Nothing says I hate you more than backing into someone with a fucking car.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Think of it this way, instead of a puppy, we're getting a baby.
She sucks enough dick that I could make her mouth a legitimate Yelp location.
Because it was 5am and I had a shitty mixed drink and I was threatening to put my balls in your face.
Not the worst first impression I've experienced.
We can just chill or day drink or smoke or watch law and order marathon or play just dance 4 or watch a movie or go to the movies or play hide and seek or hug, so many options
Somehow I ended up in a different costume dancing with some tree of a guy in the basement bathroom, what did you give me?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
I mean, he drove your car and it burst into flames, if anyone cant be trusted, it's him.
My mute roommate is using sign language to ask a guy to fuck her.
I really don't know how I went from having a few drinks to waging war against ghosts in my apartment but here we are
quickly learned not to sleep with your roommate and work colleague in the same week
Randomize
