my soul wont recognize me after tonight
i just googled "what is oprah really like?" how do YOU think my night is going?
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Had to use the product locator on on the four loko website to find them at home. Got to go in the backroom of a grocery store to get them. Dedication.
It was some time between the gurgles of her blowing me to us throwing up in the same bucket afterwards that I realized we would be doing this a lot.
Glad we went casual last night, made my 1pm walk of shame through Walmart a little less obvious
I'm spending tomorrow with her. What should my ridiculous personal goal be? I've already got a blowjob while eating a cupcake
Can you bring home bongs? Like all the bongs. I need bongs
I was so high I watched a 5 minute video of different scenes of horses running. The music was magical.
Today was brought to you by the letter B for beer and bourbon and the number fuck you I'm meant to be studying not hungover
I haven't been dieting for my entire life to date some guy who thinks his dad bod is a riot.
I'm glad he doesn't have a bigger dick because he'd just use it for evil anyway
Whatever he got a sick blow job and his high school fantasy was fulfilled
And that's what dreams are made of
*hilary duff crying in the background*
if you want the landscaping job, the uniform is a speedo. no exceptions.
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
